Biology/Genes Does Not Make You A Parent!

[cookielady]

I am so freaking mad at daughter #1 right now I could spit nails and cry at the same time.

I am sick & tired of hearing "He came out of MY BODY, therefore I have the right to __________." Right now it's the RIGHT to claim him on her taxes. She hasn't dropped more than maybe $50 on him this entire year not counting BD & Christmas gifts. She claims we are being greedy & just want him for the tax write off, yea right. Who's REALLY being the greedy one & just wanting him for the tax write off????

She claims she needs the write off this year so that she can purchase a car. Hey, here's a novel idea...
SAVE FOR IT!!!! Quit eating out every day, getting tattoos, and smoking!!!!!!

I so want to move away & not tell her where we are.

[JoS]

Bless your heart, Donna. I know there are times you just want to choke her and I don't blame you, but things will work out. Just put your foot down and keep on keeping on. The Lord will see you through. ((((((((Donna)))))))))))))

[determined]

Donna, didn't you all fill out papers? If you did wasn't that covered? You can prove who has had custody, if she should get his SS# and file claiming him before you file she can be charged with fraud. Tell her to read the description of DEPENDENT on the who can claim who. If she files with him as a dependent, I would go ahead and file with him too, when it red flags everyone will have to provide paperwork and since she doesn't have any and you do guess who will win. Don't let her upset you just tell her the facts and let the chips fall where they may.

[JoGee]

Donna, determined has some very sage advice for you.

Kathy still has some growing up to do. She has no idea how lucky she is to have you caring for Blaise. If she was responsible for him, he'd be in CPS or foster care right now ---- not always a loving situation in that. Tattoos? That can be very expensive! Maybe enclose a copy of your guardianship papers with your taxes?

[noggie]

ah (((cookie))) I'm sorry to heard this, determined has good advice for you.

[JoGee]

Cookie, have you ever recorded what you spend on that child? His food, clothing, doctor bills, school fees, driving him everywhere, toys, entertainment, etc? I think IRS would require her support of the baby to match or exceed yours, before she could claim him on her tax form.
Mothering takes a lot more than giving birth to the child. She hasn't had to sit up with him or clean him up when he was sick. Nor made certain that he had playmates, or preschool. Even the time she spends with him is minimal. At this point she can't even give him a secure home. You have been everything for him.
You can't be a mother only when it's convenient to you..... She needs to learn that.

[cookielady]

I went to our accountant & got a worksheet to document our expenses for Blaise for this past year. Of course it's not exact because I wasn't expecting to do this, but Kathy doesn't have a single receipt to claim support. Claiming our address as her home & not paying us a single penny in rent or help with any other expenses will not help her case at all. I'm also back to journaling regularly. When Corky gets a new job, we hope to take her to court & get full custody of Blaise.

[JoGee]

Well, you've got far more to show for it than she'll ever have. You have an excellent chance at getting full custody, I think. Blaise needs a place to feel secure, and you're it.
I'm really sorry you have to go through all that.

[determined]

When my oldest daughter moved out on her own she had a "friend" who wanted to involve her in a tax scam. Candie was working but this girl wasn't (in fact she was drawing government assistance). She was telling my daughter that if she claimed the child on her taxes how much extra money she would get back and they would split it. When Candie discussed it with me I threw a fit, asked her if it was worth going to jail because if caught she was the one who would be charged. Candie told the girl no and the girl found someone else to make the deal with. Sure enough the return was flagged and the girl claimed "I don't know how she got my child's SS# and walked away, while the other girl's entire return was kept due to penalties and fines, plus her return was audited for years afterward.

[cookielady]

My daughter has to learn things the hard way all the time. My accounting gal also told me my daughter may even lose the privilege of getting a child tax credit for up to 7 years if she's caught...even if she does eventually get custody of Blaise. If that happens, I bed she'll lose her entire insentive to ever get Blaise.

[determined]

Donna, if it is any comfort, Kathy isn't the only one like that. Know people who Grandma has the child all the time, provides for him. Mom is off doing her own thing drawing Government Assistance because she claims the child lives with her. When she gets her stamps she will drop off a gallon of milk and a loaf of bread if she has any left that she hasn't sold. Oh she does go to the food pantry and brings that to her Mom. Even though Mom has been told that it isn't right, that she should file for custody ect, she is afraid that if she says anything the daughter will take the child away and leave him with someone else where he may or may not be cared for.

[cookielady]

That's why I've been keeping a journal for the past 4 years, but going to court costs money. We went once but it was sort of a joke the way the McKean County family court system works, but at least we have court papers that say we have primary custody, but not full custody...there is a difference.

[determined]

okay but would Kathy not have to go into court to get custody back? primary custody means that he lives with you correct?