Heard any good jokes lately?

[JoGee]

Albert Einstein’s Disastrous Prom Night

Albert Einstein was so incredibly successful as a physicist that it seem incongruous to hear about any failure on his part. Perhaps that’s why the segment on Einstein’s prom experience was cut from the show. The sequence highlights the seventeen girls who turned Einstein’s prom invitation down, and the eighteenth, Marta Chaya Coopershmit who finally said yes. Apparently the young Ms. Coopershmit was convinced by Einstein’s romanticism and his promise to name a certain theory of his for the two of them. On a nearby tree he carved, Einstein = Marta Chaya Coopershmit, or for short, E=MC2.

[JoGee]

The rich American heritage of Jewish cowboys throughout the Old West is a topic seldom covered in journalism, literature, TV or film, so it’s at least consistent that it would have been cut from the show. And yet there were many decades where you couldn’t go for a ride on the prairie without hearing the plaintive Jewish cowboy exclamation, “Yippee-Yi-Oh-Chai-Yay!” Cattle preferred being under the care of the Jewish cowboy, who treated them more humanely.

Easily recognized by their six-gallon yarmulkes, tzitzit protruding from beneath their leather vests, and Stars of David carved into their saddles, Jewish cowboys would frequently ride into town, belly up to the local bar, order a whiskey and seltzer, and entertain the locals with Jewish versions of popular cowboy songs, such as, “Ghost Shleppers in the Sky,” “Mamas, Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to be Rabbis,” and “The Man Who Shot Yitzchak Valanceberger.” After a long day on the trail, the Jewish Cowboys were fond of sitting around the fire, with heaping plates of matzoh brei, reminiscing over humorous stories of their bar mitzvah party receptions.

[JoGee]

Brainstorming Session for Israel’s Slogan

On May 14th, 1948, David Ben-Gurion, the Executive Head of the World Zionist Organization and president of the Jewish Agency for Palestine, declared "the establishment of a Jewish state in Eretz Israel, to be known as the State of Israel." On May 15th, a meeting was called to brainstorm a slogan to best represent the new country. We all now know that the chosen slogan was “The Land of Milk and Honey.” But rare existing footage of the brainstorming session reveals the additional slogans which were proposed and rejected. They included: “Let My People Stay,” “The Land of Kugel and Blintzes,” and “It’s Our Country – What Jew Gonna Do About It?” There were supposedly many more slogans proposed, but so much time was spent arguing over what to order in for lunch, that the camera ran out of film in the middle of a bitter discussion over the merits of Chinese versus Mexican take-out.

[JoGee]

Dad's New iPad

32 seconds of how dad likes his new iPad .
Watch the following short clip that takes less than a minute.
A daughter is visiting her father and is helping in the kitchen. She asks:
" Tell me dad, how are you managing with the new iPad we gave you for your birthday?"
This clip is spoken in German, but it's totally understandable in any language.

https://www.snotr.com/embed/8965

[JoGee]

TEN BEST CADDY REMARKS

#10
Golfer: "Think I'm going to drown myself
in the lake.."
Caddy: "Think you can keep your
head down that long?"


#9
Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to
break 100 on this course."
Caddy: "Try heaven, you've already moved most
of the earth."


#8
Golfer: "Do you think my game is improving?"
Caddy: "Yes, you miss the ball much closer now."


#7
Golfer: "Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?"
Caddy: "Eventually."


#6
Golfer: "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world."
Caddy: "I don't think so. That would be too much of a
coincidence."


#5
Golfer: "Please stop checking
your watch all the time. It's too
much of a distraction"
Caddy: "It's not a watch - it's a compass."


#4
Golfer: "How do you like my game?"
Caddy: "Very good, but
personally, I prefer golf."


#3
Golfer: "Do you think
it's a sin to play on Sunday?
Caddy: "The way you play, it's a sin on
any day."


#2
Golfer: "This is the worst course
I've ever played on."
Caddy: "This isn't the golf course. We left
that an hour ago."


#1
Best Caddy Comment:
Golfer: "That can't be my
ball, it's too old."
Caddy: "Well, it's been a long
time since we teed off, sir.."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[JoGee]

"Puns for the Educated"

1. King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after years of war
with the Hittites. His last great possession was the Star of the Euphrates,
the most valuable diamond in the ancient world. Desperate, he went to
Croesus, the pawnbroker, to ask for a loan.

Croesus said, "I'll give you 100,000 dinars for it."
"But I paid a million dinars for it," the King protested. "Don't you know
who I am? I am the King!"

Croesus replied, "When you wish to pawn a Star, makes no difference
who you are.

2. Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid
bowlers.
Unfortunately, all the Swiss League records were destroyed in a fire, . . .
and so we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled.

3. A man rushed into a busy doctor's surgery and shouted, "Doctor! I think
I'm shrinking!"

The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down. You'll just have to be a little patient.

4. An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the medicine man.
After a brief examination, the medicine man took out a long, thin strip of
elk rawhide and gave it to the chief, telling him to bite off, chew, and
swallow one inch of the leather every day.

After a month, the medicine man returned to see how the chief was feeling.
The chief shrugged and said, "The thong is ended, but the malady lingers
on."

5. A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found his name
missing from the town register.
His wife insisted on complaining to the local civic official, who apologized
profusely saying, "I must have taken Leif off my census."

6. There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deer skin, one slept on an
elk skin, and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin. All three became
pregnant. The first two each had a baby boy. The one who slept on the
hippopotamus skin had twin boys.

This just goes to prove that ... the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to
the sons of the squaws of the other two hides. (Some of you may need help
with this one).


7. A skeptical anthropologist was cataloguing South American folk remedies
with the assistance of a tribal elder who indicated that the leaves of a
particular fern were a sure cure for any case of constipation.

When the anthropologist expressed his doubts, the elder looked him in the
eye and said, "Let me tell you, with fronds like these, you don't need
enemas."

[JoGee]

Feel free to post your own jokes.