Baby shower?????

[JoGee]

Isn't the unspoken rule that after the first baby, you don't have any more baby showers?

I just got an invitation from an unmarried great-niece, to a baby shower. It's not clear whether this baby is already just born, or going to be. She has one daughter about 7 or 8 years old, I think.

Registered at Babies R Us...so far nobody purchased anything. I certainly am not buying the baby crib she wants, or high priced seats, swings. I will take E to Walmart and get something for her... Only because it will defray the costs the grandparents would have to pay, as they seem to be supporting the little ones. So we/I will probably go to the shower, though I don't want to. We quit visiting there, because the daughters think everyone would love to watch their kids.

The grandparents have 3 girls, the oldest girl has 1 child out of wedlock; the second girl is the one having a baby shower, both babies out of wedlock; the 3rd was married and divorced, has 2 children, and another one in another state that she gave away (!). The oldest and youngest can't seem to keep a job; the middle one is going to nursing school and plans to be working.
The grandparents work -- one night shift and one day shift, and keep the little children with them. A daughter is often living there, too, (maybe 2 now) and is in charge of getting them to and from daycare/school.

They seem to be a pretty dysfunctional family. But, they are part of our family.
But, geez ..........

[JoS]

That is a quandry.....If she still has baby items from the older child ....which is doubtful, I would think that clothes/sleepers would be good expecially if it is a different sex from the first. My method is Walmart...they have lined baskets in the baby section. I get one of those and fill the basket with little things like diapers, passifiers, baby themometer, one of the medicine things with a nipple on it, etc. The liner on the basket has a draw string so you just pull it up around the gifts, ad a card and your'e done!

[jgarcia]

Gosh, Jo... is she related to Spring (my former DIL... not the Spring that is here) - LOL.... that sounds like HER family.

I think that giving a baby shower for a second child is not so unusual IF there are enough years between 1st and 2nd child that the parent wouldn't still have usable items from the 1st. Most people don't hang on to baby things for 7 years... My kids are 7 years apart and I know I didn't. I don't think you should feel 'obligated' to give a gift, but if the grandparents are supporting the mom (you sure she isn't related to my former DIL???) it would be a very nice gesture.

[JoGee]

I didn't know they had the baskets! I will definitely look for them. I was thinking of filling a box or gift bag with those kinds of things. That basket would be just perfect!

The oldest girl is the only one with a boy. The other two have all girls. Why there are no hand-me-downs, I have no idea! Why nobody looked forward to something like this and save a crib, is beyond me. All 3 girls date. They have "boyfriends with privileges) as well as other boyfriends hanging around them. I just don't "get" these girls! We have talked to their parents about putting up with all that garbage, but they cave in to their daughters because they don't w ant. To "lose" their girls and grandchildren.
Oh, come to think of it, the grandparents are legal guardians of the youngest daughters kids, because the ex-husband is an alcoholic/druggie. CPS keeps track of that.

[JoGee]

Judy -LOL. Maybe there is a relationship of some kind there!

The oldest of the little kids is 7/8, there are the successive 2 girls after that, the boy being youngest except for this new one. So maybe up to 4 years difference, not 7. Since grandma keeps them you see them as a "stair step" group of kidlings.

[Seems to be a generation of young adults that keep nothing. Our own second-to-last girl throws stuff out every spring and fall... Or donates it to the church (new piano). E gave her his professional telescope, because she was taking a class in astronomy. Afterwards, she just gave it away to someone. She must spend a fortune annually for clothes for her and her 4 daughters!]

[jgarcia]

Jamie is that way... if he hasn't used it in a couple of months, out it goes. But, I'm not sure it's a generational thing because my next-older sister was the same way. I loaned her my very nice, very expensive baby stroller when her oldest son (2 years younger than Keith) was born; she moved with it to California and promptly got rid of it when she didn't need it any longer, rather than hang on to it and bring it back to Utah so I could use it again.

I understand that the girl wants nice new things, but to put a crib on her "want" list is fairly unreasonable for a second child. Perhaps she should just go to a Goodwill or second-hand furniture store (or look on Craig's List) for a good used one.

[JoGee]

I don't think she'll have much choice. If she goes to the Habitat for Humanity Thrift Store, she will probably find a like-new (or new) one for a surprisingly low cost.

My brother got a whole brand new kitchen countertop with sinks, for just $10!
An ex-girlfriend of his got a lot of interior decorating things from there really cheap, and sold them to customers at full price,
And bragged how well-off it made her.

[spring]

I've always thought..after one child, no more showers. But, if the children are several years apart, the former baby clothes and stuff were probably given away. Sooo, she probably needs everything.

[BarbCA]

I remember when I was young we were told not to dispose of the baby things because if you did you would have another little one soon.
Haven't any of these people heard of birth control?

[JoGee]

Barb, her Mom is a nurse... The 3 sisters have been given THE talk from their Mom & Dad. This girl is studying nursing. But duh! She just doesn't learn. Or doesn't care. I doubt her two kids have the same father.
One girl Was married, briefly, but is a single mom now...that one started to give away her babies, I kid you not. Her parents have become her 2 kids' guardians, and saved one of them from being given away. (her Dad took a trip up to the state her 3rd baby is...the family must be okay, good people, or he'd have taken them to court to get her back.
This girl having a baby now, and the other sister, never married.
We have seen a group of boyfriends that actually came to Thanksgiving dinner. Losers! Every last one! I had to admonish this girl back then, for staying in her bedroom, expecting everyone else to care for her child. The kid was crying her heart out, but she wanted her mom. (At some point, you get the meaning of the different cries,). Besides our niece was already worn to a frazzle, and our nephew was tired as heck. And her daughters all were on their fat butts somewhere in or around the house.
As I said, we never have been back to visit.

Sorry, I get mad just thinking about it. Our niece has just had two knee surgeries, and has 3 kinds of ulcers too old to be raising all their grandkids much less half (or more) supporting these daughters.

Did I mention we are unable to go to the baby shower *evil grin*, but have diapers and such to give to niece/nephew the next day? Generous on the practical basic stuff only. This will be more help to niece & nephew, rather than cutesy stuff to show off the baby to the guys.
Am I mean? I feel like I must be, but I can't stand the situation there.

[JoS]

I'm pretty sure I had all new stuff when I was born, but don't know if mom had a shower. I was 10 years after the one next to me. Now she had it tough! The 2 before her were twins and mom made their clothes so she could dress them alike when they were young so poor old Jane had 2 of everything to wear out. She still complains about that fact!

[JoGee]

I know very little about my birth. Dad made my Mom walk 2 miles, rain or shine, every day of her pregnancy.
I know that when I was very young my mom made most of my clothes...simple dresses with matching panties.
My brother came along and got jealous of my colorful panties, and cried until Mom took them off me and put them on him.
I don't recall a shower for him. It was just the two of us in our family.

[determined]

Anymore it seems that there is a baby shower or bridal shower no matter what the number is. I was taught you get one shower. Of course my Mom got a shower with my younger brother but then he is 11 years younger than I am and was to be the first "new" baby on the Ridge for quite sometime so the neighbors were all excited.

Jo this doesn't help now that you have already bought a gift, but one of the best things I got at my shower was a box filled with baby food that a couple of the cousins went together and bought.

[JoGee]

Hi Darla.
It will be a while before this baby is ready for baby foods, and only so much space (not enough!) in prefab homes or apartments. But that would be a good gift. I figure that the case of diapers was good, as there never seems to be enough on hand. There still is time, so I might just pick up a box of rice cereal, as that usually is baby's first food. And see what else is in the baby section of the store. I did a quick tally, and we spent close to $100 do far --- and she probably won't see that, because it's practical stuff, and not from the overpriced baby store. I think her mom is going deeper in debt for this baby, as a Quik Cash place called us about some contract (I guess we are her reference). That's too bad, because they expect her to do that kind of thing; none of the daughters feel grateful for anything.