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♦ I read that 4,153,237 people got married last year. Sorry to be picky, but shouldn't that be an even number?:
♦ I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.
♦ When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body... men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.
♦ Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?
♦ America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won't cross the street to vote.
♦ You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That's your common sense leaving your body.
♦ Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the edge of the pool and throw them fish?
♦ My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that.
♦ I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.
♦ Money talks ..but all mine ever says is “good-bye”.
♦ You're not fat, you're just... easier to see.
♦ If you think nobody cares whether you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.
♦ My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. I’m pretty sure she was hitting on me.
♦ Our local Colonel Sanders has a slogan, “If it’s your birthday, the meal is on us.” If you’re eating there and it’s your birthday, your life sucks!
♦ The pharmacist asked me my birth date again today. I’m pretty sure she’s going to get me something.
♦ The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a bathrobe before you start looking like a mental patient.
♦ Money can’t buy happiness, but it keeps the kids in touch!
Now, go have a nice day!
♦ I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.
♦ When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body... men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.
♦ Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?
♦ America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won't cross the street to vote.
♦ You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That's your common sense leaving your body.
♦ Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the edge of the pool and throw them fish?
♦ My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that.
♦ I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.
♦ Money talks ..but all mine ever says is “good-bye”.
♦ You're not fat, you're just... easier to see.
♦ If you think nobody cares whether you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.
♦ My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. I’m pretty sure she was hitting on me.
♦ Our local Colonel Sanders has a slogan, “If it’s your birthday, the meal is on us.” If you’re eating there and it’s your birthday, your life sucks!
♦ The pharmacist asked me my birth date again today. I’m pretty sure she’s going to get me something.
♦ The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a bathrobe before you start looking like a mental patient.
♦ Money can’t buy happiness, but it keeps the kids in touch!
Now, go have a nice day!
