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The problem with death and wills is you find out how someone really felt about you...

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  • The problem with death and wills is you find out how someone really felt about you...


    First some history, when my husband was 7 years old his Mom and Dad divorced, he said it was a nasty divorce also, that each and every time his Dad came or called his Mom was not a very nice person and he and his brother were always in the middle of it, so over time his Dad thought it best if he just gave up parental rights of them, which he did, so all of a sudden you no longer have a Dad, Grandparents, nothing...sad....then later she met a man named Gene and they married, funny thing is the last name was the same as they already had, he legally adopted my hubby and his brother and they then had a Father and Grandparents again...Later a little girl was born of this union so now there are three kids in the family, and for the next forty some years this is how it was, family gatherings, Grandparents taking them camping and other vacations...the Grandparents permanent home was on the lake so it was always fun to be there..then Grandma passed away and they all gathered in to make sure Grandpa knew he was loved and helped in any way they could. Oh yes, when he and Grandma married she had a son, so it was Grandpa's stepson which they really didn't get alone, so he left him $3,000 but Grandma had left instructions on what she wanted her son to have and Grandpa changed it.

    Then Grandpa passes away and it is time for the will reading, etc. Granddaughter and hubby actually own a home across the road from his so they are able to keep watch over him and help when needed...she is also the one in charge when he passes away and is the executor. Well he had a life insurance policy and each grandchild got $20,000 and he had sisters in their 80's that he left $30,000 to, which one is in a nursing home and it has now made it very difficult for the family because she was in there for low income..well that was just his life insurance...now for his 'real monies and property', he left his home to the Granddaughter, his truck to her husband, and $330, 000 in cash to her, nothing for the 'step grandkids', my husband and his brother....and $3,000 to his stepson, the man that was my hubby's Father...this has hurt my husband to the core as well as me, I am having many sleepless nights because of it, I just do not understand how he could do that, all the years you thought you were a true grandchild you find that in his mind and heart you were not...as he stated in will, my blood granddaughter gets everything....

    And now she says she can't wait to remodel the house and show everyone...can you say salt in the wound...hubby is not saying much but I know how much he hurts, he said, "well they lived there and helped him all the time", my reponse is, "not over $300,000 worth".... His sister was even with Grandpa when the will was done and 'she says' she tried talking him out of putting amounts down' but you know how stubborn he was...I think she saw $ dollar signs instead of love for her brothers...

    Well that is what is going on in my life, I think my Mother in law is in shock also....but has yet to say anything..

    I am very hurt also, even though he was not my Grandfather I thought of him as such, and to see my husband once again be put aside is killing me inside, because you see his adopted Father also left them when hubby was in his early 20's, just left them all for another woman...so it has been biological Father, adopted Father, now Grandfather....I am furious and I pray to take this hurt and anger away...


    Live simply, love generously, care deeply, speak kindly, and leave the rest to God

  • #2
    Oh, Sharon, this is just so sad. Please tell Doug I am sorry and wish there was a way to help the hurt, but I know there isn't. That generation really seems to not be able to define family other than by blood.
    big hugs and my prayers for you both.

    Comment


    • boffler
      boffler commented
      Editing a comment
      Oh Paula, I would never tell him that, he would not be happy if he even knew I shared this with all of you here, BUT, this is my safe place I tell things here I never tell my sisters, friends, hubby, etc...you all here are my friends that I cherish, that know and understand me...

  • #3
    And your secrets stay safe with us...

    what a sad sad thing ... and kind of hateful of the "grandfather". a real family is made up of people who really care for each other..

    feel so bad for his hurting.. .. .BUT Sharon,,, He has you... and I think you are his treasure..worth all those little pieces of green paper...( although they would have come in handy..)

    Comment


    • boffler
      boffler commented
      Editing a comment
      And it makes it even worse that he went against Grandma's wishes in leaving something to her only child, she wanted all things sold and divided between the Grandkids and her son and all he gave him was $3,000, Grandma worked at a factory all her life and earned the money she wanted left to her son
      ..

  • #4
    That is very sad, Sharon. But many families are like that. You just donít hear about it.
    I know when my grandparents died (they lived across the street and diagnally from us), my mom was shocked to find all the surviving siblings already at their house before dawn, stripping the house off all its valuables. One aunt took all the photographs, another the old clocks, uncles took all the tools, medicine cabinets, you name it. A spinster aunt ended up with the house....it couldnít be sold because it wasnít up to code and when she eventually died the city took and razed the property. An uncle handed mom the medicine cabinet, and that was all she got. They figured mom ďgot more than her shareĒ while she cared for them in their last years. But mom paid for their meds and doctors and needs, somehow.
    Nobody even thought of the grandkids getting anything back then. The grandkids get what their parents leave them.
    I had no expectations when my parents died, as I left home when I turned 18, against their wishes. But momís lawyer said whateverís left, my brother and I split 50-50. We got about $30,000 each, and we both wonder how mom saved that much, but most was from property. I still have part of that, and that will go to my kids eventually. I canít do better that that because Iíve been health-challenged for so long, plus we managed to support 2 households for years.

    But I imagine weíll how your husband must feel. Itís the feeling of withdrawal of being loved. (A game my mother used.).
    Mom broke my heart many times, and we were raised to be scared of dad. It hurts like nothing else. Time doesnít really completely heal wounds, it has its invisible scars; but the pain will pass eventually.

    Iím so sorry that you both are having to deal with that.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Create a beautiful day wherever you go.

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    • #5
      Boff I know where you are coming from. Only my sister went behind our backs and wrote Moms will while she was in ICU then got an old friend to take it in and tell her that all of us kids wanted her to sign it. Sister left everything to herself and her husband with her being in charge. Big mess and we haven't had family get togethers since. All 5 can be in the same place but oldest 2 do not speak to or even acknowledge each other.

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      • #6
        You know it isn't about the money or who got what, it is about knowing that all of these years he really didn't consider you family....and yes he is the one my hubby missed work for, went and stayed with him after a surgery, brought him here to see our house, took him out on the boat, etc., etc..that is why the hurt is so deep....he thinks his sister can do no wrong so he actually believes she 'tried' to tell Grandpa not to do things the way he did...she already knew what the will was when she ask us to come help clear out some of the outdated things and other things from his home and why his truck was sitting in their driveway already.
        Live simply, love generously, care deeply, speak kindly, and leave the rest to God

        Comment


        • #7
          I am so sorry for the hurt your husband feels because it is a rejection he had nothing to do with. And probably one someone else had a lot to do with. I am so sorry for the hurt this has caused you and your husband. But I gotta say to have a house warming is just plain mean and thoughtless. If this sister is that insensitive then maybe other manipulations took place. I know it not the money but the hurt is big none the less. So So sorry...

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